Why I hate Ayn Rand

There's just this intangible something about Ayn Rand's books that just bring out and emphasize on my insecurities. For that i hate, passionately, with all my heart, Ayn Rand and her books but at the same time i can't help but be strangely fascinated and...whats the word..i dunno..held by them (imagine a snake being made to rise up and perform some silly dance, unwillingly, to the strange, disconcerting tunes of the snake charmer)

• Firstly, what's with the whole 'never do anything that doesn't serve some serious purpose' philosophy? So people like looking at and living in Tudor or Georgian or whatever outdated styles of architecture - it appeals to their aesthetic sense! So what if the buttresses on the pillar are unnecessary? Some people happen to think it looks good! Isn't that purpose enough?
• I resent and hate Howard Roark! Men like him do not and cannot exist! It just completely goes against nature as we know it! I saw on some internet survey that there are quite a few people who would actually like to date Roark! To them i say - do you like feeling like you do not exist or that you are not worth any emotion - not even contempt? You've got low self esteem issues is what and are sure to be in some kind of an abusive relationship.
• Worse - The Fountainhead actually says that inferior people like Mrs Keating resent Roark. So I belong inferior sect of the human race:-(
• I'm Peter Keating. Or so i used to think(my friends assure me otherwise but then they're like me) I'm definitely not ambitious to the point of not caring what you throw aside like him, but i can't help looking up to Roark as an ideal (strange after my abusive diatribe against him, i know)
• My character is a blend of the shades of grey. There is no black and nor is there any white. I'm always stuck in the middle, whether of actions or even thoughts and opinions. And according to Ayn Rand, that is a sign of mediocrity.
• I couldn't stop reading Fountainhead before my Physics preparatory and almost failed as a result.
• I was very confused( more so than usual, and that's saying a lot) for months after i read Atlas Shrugged. I'd think a thousand times before i said or did anything. Was i a looter? A moocher?
• I still am confused. I don't know what to believe. What Ayn Rand says makes so much sense logically but to believe her would mean not being able to live up to those ideals and i'd just hate myself. I'd rather hate her than me.
• This, what Gore Vidal says, is what i'd like to believe: "This odd little woman is attempting to give a moral sanction to greed and self interest. She has a great attraction for simple people who are puzzled by organized society, who object to paying taxes, who dislike the “welfare” state, who feel guilt at the thought of the suffering of others but who would like to harden their hearts. For them, she has an enticing prescription: altruism is the root of all evil, self-interest is the only good, and if you’re dumb or incompetent that’s your lookout." Sigh...he is just so much more coherent than me. So yeah - what he says, goes.

There are a lot more reasons but it is past midnight and I'm quickly losing my ability to form full, complete sentences. And I really do not want to be thought self-obsessed(what with the personal vendetta against Roark in particular and all.)

Anindhita