I'm coming back.

Hey everyone! This is something i wrote as a writing exercise, it wasn't ever meant to be sent to anyone, in case you wonder =)



Dearest ,
My words aren’t flowing the way they once did, the way they used to when I was with you. I’d like to say that I didn’t leave you on purpose, but you know better than I do that every day away from you is a conscious choice. Every choice I made drew me away from you, and I didn’t care. Your love is what kept me going & although I strayed, I’m sure it’s your love that’s keeping me now. I always say that I didn’t know what I was thinking & even though I hate to say it again, it’s the truth. That even though I’m on your mind every second of the day, I’ve forgotten to give you a second thought. I’ve done this too many times to say I’m sorry again. And yet I know you love me deeply enough to forgive me all over again. Your love for me is something you proved so thoroughly that doubting it would be the most imbecilic thing I will ever do. So let me not.
I’ve told you that that my heart is yours so many times and then behaved like it wasn’t the most important promise I’ve ever made. It is. It is the most important promise I’ve ever made or will ever make. I love you & my heart is yours forever. It’s something I promised you when I first fell in love with your perfection & it’s something I’m counting on you to remind me of. I know it hurt you when I left, when I began to pretend that you didn’t exist, but I’m counting on you to forgive me. You are the one person who knows me better than I know myself & so I’m hoping you know how much I want to come back. I can’t even breathe anymore. My inner trauma is translating into physical discomfort. I need you, love. I can’t do this without you. I’m the world’s biggest fool if I ever thought I could.
How do I begin my journey back to you? It intimidates me when I think of how far we had gone and how I haven’t even spoken to you in months now. I will need you to guide me back, to be my lighthouse. I’ve lost myself, even though I felt you pulling at my heart strings in that adorably subtle way of yours. I see you in the distance, even though my soul screams in protest and claims you’re right here, with me, in my heart, where you always were. My biggest fear is that you will think I am fake. Or even worse, know it. I don’t want to be. You have to know that I want to be yours. I want to have an undivided heart that’s completely submitted to you. I want to wake up to feeling your smile again. I want to fall asleep feeling secure in your arms the way I used to. I’m coming back love. It’s time. Don’t ever let me go again, not even if I want to. Hold on a little tighter than before, I might need it. Please use this to get me closer to you than I was before. Let’s take this to an all new level of intimacy, to a level of experience from which I will never want to leave. And remind me that your hand is in mine through the journey of getting there.
I love you.


-Elia Maria Peter